There’s an annoying pain in my foot. It’s a reminder of past accidents and current regrets. I don’t currently have anything good I want to say. I’m not feeling well right now. There is so much to respond to but I have nothing constructive to add. Things are falling apart. I’m ten days from leaving the state. I’m not looking forward to the drive but I’m excited about the destination. But now my attitude and hope has changed. It took years to be rid of the pain before. It’s back with a vengeance. I knew better than to get comfortable in my environment. I must always be guarded. Everything is designed against you. On a long enough timeline, people are defeated by their environment.
I hate the dark. It’s a classically simple deception. One would not expect danger to be at every corner, but that is the nature of darkness. It is the illumination of those spaces that delivers us from our troubles. It’s too late for me. I can’t trust that things are where they should be in the dark. No one should. It’s quite an unfortunate reality.
I sometimes wonder what it’s like to starve to death. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about it. I hate food and eating, so I bet that has something to do with it. I’ve never gotten used to eating. Some things taste good but it’s still a burden, as are all things associated with eating. Like the dark, I don’t trust food. A vegetable can look beautiful in the light but as soon as it’s eaten it’s in darkness and begins doing unspeakable things to your body. It’s a really foreign concept. Everything people do is to ensure a food supply. The need for decent shelter can come and go with nomadic migration but food is what keeps the slaves from venturing too far from their trusted sources. People used to take a special interest in food, growing or acquiring it from local sources, but now people eat foreign objects from bags or cans shipped from far off lands. Food is a different kind of darkness and shouldn’t be trusted.
-Jeremy Edward Dion