Personal Raw Analysis 2014-05-17

JeremyExpectations can treat us unfairly. Sometimes you wake up to realize you’re much older than yesterday and not who you thought you’d be. This can be a dangerous revelation if you don’t come to terms with it and manage regret. This is nothing new, it’s just another personal struggle. I’m certain my mistake was to have expectations of my behavior in adulthood. For reasons I do not know I always thought I would be the person I envisioned at this age while I was young. I am none of these things. Here I am another person coming to grips with mediocrity. I suppose I have learned humility; it took me thirty-five years. That is probably average timing.

I missed a high school reunion I was looking forward to. It was organized by a specific teacher and I guess I liked that teacher so I always remembered the plan. I kept track of the invitation for fourteen years and then misplaced it the year before I knew it was happening. I think it was sometime in April but I can’t be sure. Perhaps I wasn’t happy with who I was so that part of me lost the invitation. I knew the location and probably could have found someone that knew the date but I didn’t pursue it. So that was a fifteen year plan I trashed and I feel shitty about it.

I’m beginning to feel pressure of a sort. And some emotions are surfacing and causing a mild distress. I think about women constantly. I didn’t always do this. I’m guessing it’s a natural psycho-physiological change but it’s distracting. Women are noticing me more. Even with my many appearance flaws I’m self-conscience of, I must have an advantage of character or presence. Or maybe I’m delusional.

I am supposed to be heading out to Colorado near the end of this month. There is nothing quite like splitting up the year with a major regional relocation to erase any momentum you may have acquired. I tell you, it’s unhealthy. I can’t find a niche. Wherever I go, there I am but I am still out of place. This makes me very unhappy and shits on any chance for potential relationships. There’s no one to blame but myself.

There is a DEFCON CTF event happening this weekend. I considered heading out to the 2600 hackerspace and participating but I don’t feel like going out or even being social. I got to get some cash and get my teeth fixed, at least to the point where it doesn’t devalue my smile. Wow that sounds vain; probably because I’ve always been vain. Pain does funny things to people, it can change you at your core. For better or worse.

I’ve altered my diet recently. I’m avoiding processed foods and eating more alkaline promoting foods. I found a tiny black dot in the center of my right palm and read some dumb shit on the internet about skin cancer. It’s likely not even a mole but I used that lame excuse to change my diet for the better. At least I found out I like asparagus and spinach is awesome too. I also learned that while lemons are obviously acidic, they are excellent at promoting body alkalinity. Apparently, cancer is fucked when your body is alkaline. I’ve also dropped the caffeine and drastically reduced my refined sugars intake. This change might explain my demeanor as of recent.

-Jeremy Edward Dion

One thought on “Personal Raw Analysis 2014-05-17

  1. Excellent article. I, for one, really appreciate the honesty and openness of this piece. You’re not alone brother. I think many, if not all, people go through this kind of thing, or some version of it, at some point. Hopefully, the whole human race will fully wake up to something similar very soon because we all know the perfect, super smart superior human race is _way_ off track at this point, dark-age-like even.

    But I digress. Dude, Adrian Brody could take some lessons from you on looks and he is considered a heart-throb. So yeah, don’t sweat the appearance stuff. 99% is just getting out there and trying. Confidence is huge. Ever notice the garden trolls with fairy princess arm candy? Case in point. Get the tooth fixed but wear it with pride until you do because it is human, and at least it can be fixed. Anyone who would be judgemental of such a thing is just derp’edified. It is really a minor thing in the grand scheme but I definitely know what it is like to have to deal with such a confrontational blemish “head-on” <—*snickerdoodles* — (imagine going bald!) :)))

    I do have to issue a warning though. Be careful with the confidence because once you start pulling them you have to be able to weed out the fakeresses, playeresses, etc. Take the time to really get to know a person. Unless you're looking for a fling you have to put the time in, or else. You will find, that like anything else in life, you have to work for the good stuff. I'm sure you already know this but it is worth a mention to underscore its importance (at least in my experience).

    My main point: we are all human. I know very few people as smart, self-aware, and considerate of others, as you. The fact that you are aware of the state of things says a lot and is a major advantage over the hordes of aholes who are completely oblivious to self and world.

    I've been looking at the alkalinity stuff too. Apparently water is one of the major, if not _the_ major, contributor to the state of pH in the body. I was looking at some research about this and only 2 of the many popular bottled water brands ranked at or above the recommended 7.5 pH level.

    Anyway, thanks for the article.


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